Whispers of the Witch

The Patterns We Repeat: Tarot, Healing, and Breaking the Cycle

• Ilena Brigid

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There comes a moment on the healing path where something shifts…
 where you begin to see the patterns you’ve been repeating—especially in relationships—and realize you can’t unsee them anymore.

In this episode of Whispers of the Witch, I am joined by Alex for a deep and honest conversation about breaking cycles, self-awareness, and what it actually takes to break free from patterns that once felt impossible to escape.

Together, we explore how tarot healing becomes more than just a tool—it becomes a mirror. One that reflects the subconscious patterns, emotional wounds, and truths we may not have been ready to face… until now.

This conversation moves through:
 • recognizing repeating relationship patterns
 • why we attract familiar (even when it’s unhealthy)
 • the moment everything “clicks” and you can’t go back
 • how tarot supports shadow work, healing, and growth
 • rebuilding trust with your intuition
 • learning to choose differently—on purpose

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same cycles or wondered why the same patterns keep showing up in your life, this episode will meet you exactly where you are.

This is about awareness and how to use tarot for self-discovery.
 This is about healing and intuition development. 
 This is about remembering that you have the power to choose differently.

https://www.awakenyoursoul.studio

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Brew your tea, light your candle, and settle in for some magick. 

SPEAKER_00

Welcome back to Whisperers of the Windows. Today's episode is going to be really powerful and honest conversation. We're diving into something that so many people experience but don't always have the words for reading, especially in relationships and how we begin to break. We're also going to talk about how tarot can become more than just a tool. I'm joined by Alex, and I'm really excited for this conversation because we're going to explore tarot healing and what it actually looked like to step out of patterns and into something different. Alex, I'm so happy to have you here. And I would love to start by just asking what first drew you to tarot?

SPEAKER_02

That's a good question, actually. I think ultimately attracting the same life lessons and life, right? I continued to repeat a cycle that I didn't want to repeat anymore. And once I finally was old enough and had learned enough lessons, I really realized that I didn't want to repeat those cycles anymore. And tarot started popping up on my page on Instagram. And I remember it aligning so well. And I know that it's funny because you know, people say that your phone listens to you, but it really aligned so well through what I was going through. And I just every single day I started watching and reading every day for years and years and years until I wanted to open my own, until I wanted to read myself, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Who was the first like tarot person that you came across that you really were like this? I was like, this aligns so well that you ended up being that kind of pillar for you.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gosh, I cannot remember her name. Sonia. Sonia on Instagram. I don't remember Sonia. And she's very like Lord-based, but also just like, what is this? Like, what is you know what I mean? Like just as confused as well, but also just like really trying to teach her lessons. Her name is Sonia. I don't remember anything else, but I know she still reads on Instagram, and I'm seeing her every once in a while because I don't follow people. I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So what was your first experience like with tarot?

SPEAKER_02

Very first experience. I think I remember actually I remember being in a really toxic relationship. Both ways, right? Both ways. Reactive and you know, toxic on that side as well. And I remember sitting there watching a read, and it was like, you know, your twin flame is repeating those same life cycles that you are, but it's with somebody else. And it's up to you to evolve or to repeat the cycle. So either we evolve and we know better and we do better with this the circumstance that we're in, or we end that cycle, cause a death, and try to evolve with somebody now, you know, and it really opened my eyes to the fact that the choice was up to me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't have to sit in that toxic relationship. I didn't have to show my sons that that is love and that is what you should be as a partner and a person and a husband. Like I didn't have to do that. And I just started pulling away, and it tarot really taught me to love myself first, right? Love me, pour into me, do what you can do for yourself, you know? And eventually, when I started loving myself, I was like, wow.

SPEAKER_00

Tarot kind of hits you hard in the face. And I know this is a very unpopular statement, but when you you allow people to mistreat you, and tarot will tell you that. And it's just like, oh, so you have to kind of flip that blame like the hangman. You know, it's like flip that perspective. You know what?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I need to step away. So it's that fun. When you you awaken, you're like, well, I hold control. So it's always up to me, no matter what I do. And my my seventh grade teacher told me that, Mr. Akiyama, back in Granite Falls, love him to death. Oh my gosh, he was a precious teacher. And he said that to us. And he he actually thought that my mother wrote my paper because my feminine ship was so like my cursive or whatever. It was cute. And I'm like, no, I wrote it. And uh he said, you know, I don't care what you take for my class, I just hope you take that. It's always up to you. No matter what you do in life, it is always up to you. The choice is yours. And Tarot really defined that for me that it was up to me. I didn't have to sit in the misery, I didn't have to sit in someone treating me horribly. I could love myself just as fully. Why would I sit in that? Yeah. Why? Yeah. I don't want to show my kids that because what my children see is what they believe, and what they believe is what they become. Yep. And I refuse to allow my children to become what they see due to my own generational curses that I can't stand up for and say, no, that's not it.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? Yeah, I tell people don't pass your traumas on to your kids. Uh-huh. Okay. That is generational trauma for sure. Yeah. So when did it shift from something interesting to something that actually started helping you understand yourself?

unknown

That's good.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I would probably say it took about a year of seeing those messages and understanding myself and trying to look for something deeper. Like we've talked about, we've been in religion, you know, religion, we've searched for community and safety and all this stuff our whole life. And I was born and raised Mormon. And, you know, I just didn't it just wasn't for me. And then I was always searching for community for my children or support for me and my children for whatever we were going through. And no matter what church I was brought into, it just was always that same repeated cycle. People were sinners, but they didn't want to know better and do better. They just swept it under the rug. And I'm someone who wants to know better and do better so that we can break these curses for our children. And I think that's super, super important. And yeah, I guess leaving that toxic relationship really showed me that the world is pretty toxic itself.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And it's really up to you to make that change and to be the change you want to see in the world. That's what Gandhi would say.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Be the change you want to see. And I noticed too that, like you said, you know, they're just going their sinners and sweeping it under the rug. It's that whole, I, my opinion, religion is the somebody else is going to take the responsibility for what I'm doing. Jesus dying for your sins. I just need to show up and say, please forgive me, go to church on Sunday, where spiritual people are. The relationship is between me and you. I need to work with myself to heal myself. And it's that I am relying on myself to take control, to change the situation instead of uh we are all people of God, right?

SPEAKER_02

On this earth, we should face our shadow selves as he did as well. He faced his sins. He he he died for our sins, right? Apparently, that's what everyone says. And I totally believe in that. And it's like, okay, well, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I'm perfect. I'm not. Yeah, I've sinned a lot, and I'd love to know better and do better moving forward. So my children know better and do better, and they don't have to repeat the cycles that I'm repeating, or that my parents may be repeat. You know what I'm saying? Thank you. A little rude.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So I feel like this is where tarot can get really deep because it doesn't just show us what's coming, it shows us what we're repeating. So, why do you think people often find themselves in similar patterns or relationship dynamics over and over again?

SPEAKER_02

Because they're failing the test. Yeah, they're being represented with the same cycle every time, and they're not following their intuition. You're not knowing better, you're not doing better. You under you know what's gonna happen, and you're allowing them to do it. And again, what you allow is what will continue. So the more you allow these cycles to repeat, that is what they're gonna do to you. Well, the sooner you walk away and say, No, thank you, no, thank you. I love myself, I love me, I love my children, I love whatever I have going for me. No, go beyond yourself, dude. Like you really do awaken to your power. The power is always within you, it is always up to you. And really, I will always refer to that. It's always up to you. And what is that? Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you'll be criticized anyway. That's Eleanor Roosevelt. It's true. I told that to my therapist. I wake up every day and I do what I feel in my heart to be right because I know I'm gonna be criticized anyway. Yep. So I uh people are failing the test. You're you're not passing, you're enabling, you're allowing people to continue to treat you that way and you're not knowing better and doing better. And I'm not saying that you don't love that person or whatever, but I just it just breaks my heart to see somebody love themselves so less that they will allow these repeated cycles when the strength is within you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, ma'am, it's like you can blame them again, all you want to, but it's you you are allowing the behavior yourself accountable.

SPEAKER_02

And that's the hard part is it's like, yes, abusive relationships suck, reactive abusive or reactive abuse sucks, and I know that fully. Like, I am someone who is reactive, honey. Do not go away. But truly, it awakens to me what I need to work on because I don't want my kids to ever have to deal with the anger that I still hold within my heart. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00

But I think sometimes, though, that anger can be so beautifully chaotic. Yeah, it kind of is just like when the earth reacts, an earthquake or a tornado, and it's just like there's so much destruction there, but the beauty behind that chaos. And I'm trying to find that with this, right?

SPEAKER_02

And I love what you're getting, because I I yeah, I feel that too. Like I know I stand firm in what I believe, and I know I can speak up for a lot of people when I would love to, because I think it's wrong. I think that there's a lot of things wrong in the world, and I know that that can be beautiful chaos, but it's also a scary part of life, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah. So when you look back now, what was the pattern you were repeating that you couldn't see at the time? Like the big one. Sure.

SPEAKER_02

That I was accepting people to treat me like shit. That's the whole pattern, my entire life. I was accepting people to abuse me and me not say anything because I, you know, I didn't, that's what I was conditioned to believe. I was conditioned to believe that that was normal and it's not normal. And people normalize a lot of abuse and it's not okay. And I took that toxic relationship to awaken to me all the abuse that I had endured my entire life. And this is coming from super, super generational trauma, like Mormon religion, my whole life, my father being a part of the bishopric, me being number six of eight girls. You know, there's a lot to dig into that. And it really does, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and they awaken you to all the abuse that you've endured. And he did. That person did. And I appreciate him, even though I don't, you know. Yeah. A little rude. He could have been a little easier on me, honey. But truthfully, you know, I do appreciate what he awoke me to because he did awaken me to the abuse in my family and and the religious abuse and the trauma and everything that I had endured my whole entire life until that point where I was like, I'm done. Like, I love my babies. Is this where we break the generational curses? Because I know I'm a product of religion, which I've accepted many times, and that's okay, but my children are not. My children are a product of want, and all I want for them is to succeed and to be happy and to have the most fulfilling life and not repeat any cycles that I came from. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Do you feel like Tara was showing you that before you were ready to fully recognize it?

SPEAKER_02

A million percent. A million I was sitting in my home with my fiance at the time and our babies. And Tara was like, you know, no, like your twin flame is going through the same cycle you are. You know what I mean? They're separating from their person, they're realizing what they want, what they don't want, what they want to bring into their children, what they don't want to bring into their children, all these different questions. This that twin flame awakening, you know? And I remember sitting there thinking, like, I don't know if this is true or not, but it's gotta be better than what I'm living in.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know what I mean? Like, it I don't know. And eventually it just, yeah, it just continued to be that. And it was so true.

SPEAKER_00

There's usually a moment where something shifts where you can't like unsee it anymore. So it's just like it's it's been thrown in your face so much that you it's just so undeniable. Was there a moment where things really clicked in that sense for you? It's just like kind of, you know, when somebody comes in for a rating and they're like, oh, that card's shown up like eight times. Sure.

SPEAKER_02

Right. The confirmation for them and the confirmation for me.

unknown

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That moment hit when I was two years into the relationship and I had poured so much that I had nothing left to give but myself into that relationship. And so the last year I said, you know what? I'm gonna really focus on myself. And I I put that out into the universe. Like, please show me signs. Let me know. Like, if this person's aligned for me, let me know. If they're not, please let me know, honey. And sure enough, you know, it was it was constant, it was constant legal trouble, it was constant, all trouble, like never helping around the house, never helping with finances. It was constant in my face of a reminder of why that person was not for me. You know what I mean? And yeah, so I I finally I remember he got pulled over, and I don't even know what happened. I think he didn't have an insurance or anything. And he called me again, and I was just so tired because I had gone to court with him so many times since I was pregnant, all these things trying to clean up his act. But yeah, I finally just said, you know, I'm okay. I really want to show my kids better. And my father raised me awesome, and I love my father to death. He's such an awesome man, even though he's no longer here with us. But I will remember, like he would tell me every day when he'd leave, like when we'd leave for school or whatever. He'd be like, Remember who you are, remember who you are. And every day I've really tried to remember who I am, and who I am is a way better man than that. Yeah. Even though I'm a woman, I'm a way better man than that. And I will not let my sons think that that's okay to talk to anybody that way or treat women that way or anything. Like, it's just not my jam. No. Yeah, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00

Get that, get that. So, how did tarot support you in actually breaking those cycles?

SPEAKER_02

It confirmed everything I believed. It confirmed my intuition. When I read tarot, it was like, oh my gosh. Like when I started reading it within myself and trying to channel it within myself, I was like, wow. I don't know, it's what I need to hear. Holy cow. Why? Is it what I need to hear? I mean, I know that people say this is not normal, but it's what I need to hear.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, right. It does. It really gets so okay. Kind of bouncing off that question. Did you buy your first deck? I bought that. And then sat okay, and then you just kind of sat down and just started intuitively, or did you go from the book?

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no book. So I actually left that experience, you know, that that toxic relationship. And I moved to the mountains with me and my three boys, and I sat in solitude and I started writing myself a book called Find Me in Solitude, which I have not finished, and I have not, you know, I I want to, it's heavy as heck. Anyone that knows healing knows it's heavy. It's not fucking easy. Oh my god, knock me out. I don't want to heal anymore.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

But I started sitting there and I started reading, and I started just really trusting my intuition, and I just looked myself in the mirror, like Michael Jackson says, the man in the mirror. I like to start with the man in the mirror. Like I just looked myself in the mirror and I was like, what the heck can I do better? You know, I can't control what these people are doing, but what can I do better? And I did. I went to work every day as a teacher, a little pre pre-K teacher, a daycare teacher. I I got my kids and myself in a church. I thought we were in the right direction. I thought we would get support. I thought we would get the love that we needed. And don't get me wrong, there was times when that was totally fulfilled. And I really appreciate that. But again, don't ever speak on my child. Don't ever speak on anybody's child. Don't speak on my child. Don't speak on anybody's child. Children are the future of this world. We teach them. Don't you dare say something rude about them. What's wrong with you? It really ignites an anger in me and having to be around that environment where people were just so rude, you know, to and that's what they teach their children. It turned me away. Yeah. It really did. It really did. It turned me away from the church. Uh and another religion. 100%. And they're right across the street from me. And I have no problem. No, thank you. Yeah. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_00

100% or enjoy. Enjoy. So, what did it look like to start using tarot for reflection instead of just answers?

SPEAKER_02

That's a good one. I would have to say it was a gradual process, right? Like at first, I was looking for answers. I was like, tell me everything I need to know. And then as I started to heal, because you were telling me everything I needed to know, I was brought to this place where I was like, oh gosh, I'm I'm the problem. Oh, rude. But it's true. Like you have to face yourself. And you're like, well, it is within me. Yeah. I'm not saying that I'm attracting exactly what I am. Like, I'm not a sociopath, so I'm not attracting that. But I did attract it. So why? You know what I mean? Is it because I'm so empathetic? Is it because I'm so giving? Is it because I'm so loving? Is it because I'm so understanding? But again, I'm not. Like, I'm not at all. Which is just a really Gemini feel for me.

SPEAKER_00

You don't have to. I'm a Gemini.

SPEAKER_02

Like, no. I love you and I'm so compassionate, but I will never tell you shit you don't want to hear. Like, yes, tell you the truth 100%. You're wrong.

SPEAKER_00

It's you know it's that duality that we hold. It's like which is beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

We're gonna love shadow. So it will awaken you because you can be beautiful. You can give yourself grace. You can move forward. You can know better. You can do better. But you have to hold yourself accountable when you're wrong. And it's okay to be wrong. I think we're just conditioned that it's not. But yeah, it's okay. Oh, we gotta forgive ourselves. That's why a lot of people struggle with what they struggle with, is because they numb the pain that they think is not normal. And it's like it's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You were just growing and changing and learning to us to and you get annoyed with yourself, especially through your healing stuff. And it's like part of you is going, I need to wallow in this and I want to be the victim. And the other part of you is going, get up, bitch.

SPEAKER_02

Don't play that victim. We're not doing that. You can't someone who loves themselves, right? Exactly. They don't sit there and say, I am a victim. This happened to me. They say, What can I know better? What can I do better? How can I move forward? What the hell can I learn from this lesson? Because this is here for a reason, obviously. I would say, you know. Yeah. Yeah. You have to be aligned in that. We understand that. Yeah. That's really beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

And when you start to awaken, and I try to help people understand this, it's like you all of a sudden it's like everything is going wrong. Everything is shit. But you have to be so thankful and grateful because the universe is like, I've got your back. You're not moving the stuff that you need to move. So I'm going to do it for you.

SPEAKER_02

That is so funny. Because, same, I've sat here in the same repeated cycle for years, right? And I've allowed all these people to say what they want to say about my kids or judge me in my life, or a lot of things. Like, there's there's been a lot. There has been so much. And, you know, my sweet son was actually exploited on the internet. Um, you know, there's there's a lot to that. A lot to that. And, you know, it's like to have all these cycles where it's like you're picking on my kids nonstop. I can't help but wonder, okay, maybe I should speak up then so you can stop. Because again, children are our future. So please know better and do better. Please speak to them as though they are the kindest, wisest people on this earth because they fucking are. Respect. I love my babies. I love every baby. Like, are you kidding me? Fuck off. Don't be a dick.

SPEAKER_00

I fucking hate it. And that's everybody. That's what they treat, they teach their children. And it has to stop. It's like adult bullying is ugly. Like kid bullying is kid bullying is ugly.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I feel like adult bullying, even in this reactive state, where with my last career, like I have a I I channel this all the time. You say I will bully the bully any day. Yeah. Please stop. Please stop. Mm-hmm. Please stop.

SPEAKER_00

We don't need it. We don't need it. No, thank you. So, did tarot help you rebuild trust with your intuition? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. How can it not?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, come on. If you're pulling the empress, are you shitting me? I'm an empress. Thank you. Oh, but truly, yeah. Yeah, of course. That's right. Especially when they're so positive. It's hard to not speak that into existence because you are what you believe, even whether you're a child or an adult, right? So it's like if we can speak into existence that we are an empress and we are someone that's uh that's nurturing and loving and caring and all that stuff, then we really do believe that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And we believe that onto other people rather than hurting other people, you know? Yeah. I think.

SPEAKER_00

And that I will not sit and argue with people. I'm not gonna feed into that energy and stuff like that, but I will argue with my tarotch. Same. Taught me this card.

SPEAKER_02

I know. No, I know. And the High Priestess, like, I'll go live all the time on TikTok. And I've like, it's like the High Priestess will be pulled. And I tell everybody that is asking all these questions: trust yourself. Trust your intuition. The Hierophant, the High Priestess, whatever. Three through three, trust yourself. You hold a high level of wisdom. You are a spiritual leader. You are someone who is a leader. Like, you don't need to follow. Like, I get it.

SPEAKER_00

You don't feel like you fit in because you don't.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I tell people, find your body's yes and no. Okay. Listen to that. Get out of your own head. Get out of the ego. And if you, if your brain is talking, talking, talking, that's your ego. If your body is feeling vibration, tingles, tightness, that's your body. So find your body's yes or no, and it will tell you everything you need to know in conversations going on a million percent. You are not wrong. So yeah, it's that intuition. And people will ignore that and start talking themselves out of it. They do. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. It's like, no, I need to be polite.

SPEAKER_02

Because again, that shows you how not strong the world is. Yeah, how conditioned the world is. Is they will go with that because to them it's easier than standing up for what's right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. You know. So what does it actually feel like in your body now that it's something knowing that something isn't a line compared to before when you were still in those cycles?

SPEAKER_02

So how do you notice that? Oh, sure. Oh my gosh. Trust my body. In my toxic relationships, I was so sick every day. Literally, I felt ill. I would puke to the point, you know, anxiety. So sick, I cried every single day. And I remember actually, like when I found myself in solitude up in Granite Falls on the mountains by myself with my babies. Like, I would count the days. I'd be like, maybe I cried for three days. I haven't cried for four days. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And like it's sad as hell, but it's the truth. Like, I didn't cry. And I feel like every day in a toxic relationship, I was crying because I just my emotions were like, no, this is not what you deserve. And I knew I didn't deserve it, but I was accepting it. I was disappointed in myself for accepting things that I didn't deserve, you know? Because I know that the love for myself is way better than that. And yeah, I just realized so many positive changes. I enjoyed cooking again. I enjoyed vlogging again. I got on TikTok. I went viral for tarot reading, which I love. I'm like, oh my gosh, after this awful experience, like here I am going viral and just reading tarot, because I really just want you to know better and do better. I don't want anything else from you. I want you to genuinely heal so we can all heal the world and you can heal my children as well as I can heal your children, kind of vibe, you know. And yeah, I just I realized that everything was so much better. Trusting yourself, which I've said that, it really did, because that trauma bond. But at the end of the day, no, it was so much better.

SPEAKER_00

And this is something that everybody is moving through right now. So many people, especially coming out of our winter. And yeah, so it is it's going around. So, what would you say to someone who feels like they keep repeating painful patterns and don't know how to get out of them?

SPEAKER_02

I would say I hope that you go in the bathroom and you look yourself in the mirror and you look yourself in the mirror and you truly say, Do I want to repeat this cycle or do I want to evolve? Do I want to repeat this awful cycle? I've learned these lessons. I know these lessons, I'm not applying the lessons. Face your shadow self. You are not applying the lessons. If you face yourself and you say, shit, I don't want to do this again. I don't want to repeat this cycle. This guy is awful to me, Edwards. He's so awful. It's like, you the sooner you accept things, the sooner you grow, right? And I think there's a lot of things in my own life that I've had to accept and grow from. And I'm so grateful for every single experience because I'm better than any of those people. I don't want to align with you. I don't want to be you. I don't want to teach my children that. I don't want it. Yeah. Enjoy. Yeah. Heal yourself. Right. Heal yourself. And I think that hurt people, hurt people, but heal people do heal people. And when you're really validat people's feelings and be like, no, that wasn't right. Like I've had to have that validated many times. Yeah. It really does help.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And this might be the same answer that you just gave, but if someone wanted to start using tarot to understand their patterns, what's one question they could ask themselves?

SPEAKER_01

What can I do better?

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Why am I here? What brought me here? I can hold myself accountable. I can't hold anybody else accountable, but I can hold myself accountable. So here I am. Why am I here? What did I do? How did I attract this? How can I do better? I don't want to be here anymore.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. And if someone is still in this cycle right now and maybe not seeing it yet, what would you gently say to them? Well, I'm not very gentle, but I love you for that.

SPEAKER_02

Um I would tell themselves that I would tell themselves to start by looking in the mirror and tell them telling themselves how beautiful they are, how kind they are, how important they are, how special they are, and how deserving they are of peace and healing and love and everything that they should attract because despite what they were told or what they learned, you are deserving of life and love and healing and knowing better and doing better. And that's super important to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I gotta ask this question if you even remember what was the first say the first three cards or whatever poll you did that you were that hit the most?

SPEAKER_02

The Empress. I always pulled the Empress, yeah. Always, and the magician as well. And I was like, what the hell are these two cards? Like these are banging, you know? Yeah. And I knew they were a major arcana, but I didn't really understand why. And I really understood that again, it brought me back to all these life lessons in childhood. It's up to me, but the magician, it's always up to you. Yeah, you manifest anything you do, you speak it into existence, talk it into existence. Like, we don't align with people that don't align with us. It's okay to know better and do better and move forward, you know. It really, it really is. And yeah, the magician and the empress. And I was like, wow, maybe I should talk about my experiences in life and what I've gone through and help other people. And then with my own therapy, they kind of confirm that with me. And you know, they're like, Yeah, like come on, you've been beaten down and you got back up. And I'm like, I did actually, and I have, and I'm tired of feeling like I haven't, you know. What did the Empress mean to you at that time? Everything. She's all of it, yeah, the most beautiful person in the world, right? I think growing up, you think about these princesses, right? And we always think these fairy tales and shit. That's so annoying. Sorry, but it's truth. And it's like, yeah, so when you see the empress, you're like, oh, the princess, the master princess. That's me. And it is you if you believe it. It is you if you believe it. If you don't believe it, you won't attract it. But you better believe it because you are what you believe.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, and we get torn down by everything, and it's like, it's again, it's your perspective on how you see things. No, you're not gonna be hanging.

SPEAKER_02

And it's all about perspective, it truly is. And I pull that all the time too, and the collective reads.

SPEAKER_00

And I love like the hangman, it's that uh flip the script. Like that's a flip script.

SPEAKER_02

Totally. When when someone comes at me with a negative opinion, I'm like, no, ma'am. No. Anyway, what did you do to attract that? Yeah, you know, I mean, I really do try and flip it so that you can learn something from it. Yeah, just blame. No, thank you. Yeah, I don't want to blame.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm that person, it's like, don't come to me with tea. Don't come to me with gossip. I am not wanting to talk behind someone's back, but I will 100% listen to you and tell you that you know, you're right in this area, but you're also wrong here. I'm not the person you want to come to to get the sweet love. You're gonna get the blunt honesty. Yeah, and I'm gonna say, no, it's not their fault. It's you. It's you.

SPEAKER_02

You know what's funny? I think that's like therapist and witch. You know what I mean? Like it's so crazy because it's like it really is crazy. I really do believe in knowing better and doing better and helping people grow. And I'm not gonna tell you what you hear. I'm not gonna enable you. I don't care. If you want to be enabled, go talk to your mama, not me.

SPEAKER_00

As a healer, I have to really help people to understand that it literally it's you. You are allowing this to happen. You can't blame others because that is a victim status, and we are above that. What is so what is your I am? What are you rooting your foundation in? Is it positive or is it negative?

SPEAKER_02

No, I'm important, I'm kind, I'm smart, I'm I'm important, I'm amazing. I can't think about my mind too. Like I say this to my children every day that I am right there. I am valuable, I am loving, I am valued, I'm beautiful, I'm giving. Like every day before we leave this house, I instill that in their brain because they know the world will not. No, and the second, and I've learned that the second I put my kids out into the world, they tell them things that they're not. And it's like, well, what you believe is what you become. So how dare you don't ever speak to my babies that way? I swear to God, don't do that. Why are you doing that? You know? And again, that's the And I say that to myself. Yeah. Teach them to be polite. No, no, you can be polite, but also when respect is no longer served, you get up and you leave. Yeah. You are deserving a respect. You don't walk into a room and say, Do these people like me? You walk into a room and say, Do I like them? Do I align with what they believe in? Do I want to promote who they are? Like, no. And I've been someone who's been a person that like people would walk into a room and say, I want to be nothing like that person. Yeah. Me too. Yeah, me, I didn't either. I didn't love myself. Thank you so much for acknowledging how much I didn't love myself. I totally appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00

And I didn't. No. But now I do. And being polite should never diminish who you are. Ever. It should never dim you in any way. Yeah. So that's why I'm like, if don't be polite to dim yourself. Right. To make somebody else feel like no. No, no.

SPEAKER_02

And don't be accepting. I think we can always be kind. I think we can always be polite. But I think that the second our intuition says, mm-mm, we just trust that, and we're like, okay, nice to meet you. Have the day you deserve, walk away.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. See that. Okay. So my card is the high priestess.

SPEAKER_02

I absolutely in my love fucking therapy. She literally just in my therapy session said, You're the high priestess. And I said, I just pulled out in the last read, and here we are doing this since that.

SPEAKER_00

And she shows up a lot for me in session.

SPEAKER_02

I thank you. No, you don't. I hope so. I believe it. You do.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So I think it's going to be fun if we kind of close out with a collective reading for our listeners. Sure. So, magician, we're ready. Pull a card for breaking cycles and stepping into something new. Okay. And I cannot just pull one card.

SPEAKER_02

No, we're not going to pull one card. We're going to pull, we're going to pull. Or they flip so bad. But I did see the magician immediately. So whatever you manifest, it's up to you, right? You are the master of manifestation. Anything you speak, you believe and you create. Like I said, you are what you believe. So be mindful of that as you surround yourself with people like that, okay? I think there's a lot of heartbreak and suffering in the past, a lot of confusion. But I do think there's a lot of celebration and friendship and collaboration to be had and community and happiness. I think you should celebrate your success with those you care about. Three through three, three both on threes. So three through three, I think you should really trust your intuition no matter what. Like we've been saying all along, you have to face your shadow self. It's always up to you, no matter what. It's up to you. We can tell you what you want to hear, but it's up to you.

SPEAKER_01

You know what you're doing, okay? And you give us full of collective cards.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. Such a beautiful deck, too.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Again, there's just so many people that are not they're disappointed. They feel abandoned. They're trying to leave things behind, but again, they can't because they can't face their shadow selves. And again, you should because you're really giving and receiving. I think you're really balanced. And I think you're sharing, and I think you're abundant. And I think that sharing your success builds more success, right? That's we are what we are what we believe. So if the more people talk about the success, we can really move forward and know better and do better, right? You're holding yourself back. There's a lot of self-doubt. There's a lot of inner alignment that you're not accepting. There's a lot of fear of the unknown. So truly, what we've been talking about and abandonment. Oh my gosh, wow, sad. There's a lot of sad energy. There's just a lot of people that are not awakening to what they need to awaken to, right? And they feel sad and they feel like they're disappointing and they feel like they have a lack of faith. And it's like, no, the faith is within you. Ace of Swords, stop. The faith is within you. There's mental clarity, there's success, there's breakthroughs, okay? This is in the past. You have to accept the past in order to move forward and to what you're meant to be. You have to you have to learn the lessons. If you don't learn the lessons, you're gonna keep repeating it.

SPEAKER_00

There you go. So I want to have you do a reading for me on the podcast so my listeners can hear it. Stop it. Love you, beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, fun, fun, fun. Fun, fun, fun. I'd love to. And thank you for reading me on the go.

SPEAKER_00

That was really fun as well. So we met in a tarot class at one of my favorite shops, Wicklander's Roots in Marysville. And it was just an automatic connection, and we had a lot of things in common. And it was like, I was like, I want you on my podcast. So, and I've been wanting to reach out to you for a while.

SPEAKER_02

Anybody read my tarot in all the years that I have read tarot? And I felt safe enough and comfortable enough for you to read. And I appreciated what you had to say.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And it really resonated with me. And I think you're really amazing. And I think I'm gonna read your tarot now because I can't help it. But perfect. Let's go. All right. The lovers, you're coming into union and harmony within yourself. I love that. Okay. You're strong. You have a deep love. You have a choice that you're making. How can you celebrate the love in life in your life today? I feel like there's a lot of negative thoughts, though, as well, that hold you back, right? A victim, not a victim mentality, just a restriction. Okay. I know you're awakened to the victim mentality. Just again, not believing in yourself, which is totally normal as we're going through these awakenings because saying it's a foster syndrome as a healer. What the hell?

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, am I doing this right? Right. Am I I know I but it's ego, ego coming. Well, let's see what the card says.

SPEAKER_02

Let's see what your card says. What you've said. Okay. I feel like there, yeah. Yeah, there's just a lot of walking away, leaving things behind that are no longer serving you. You know this. You already know what you need. You know, I can't even look at you. When you make your decision, take action with confidence. You already know what the fuck we're doing, okay?

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Inner feelings, trust your codependency, trust your self-care. You need to, you need to focus on self-care. You also need to focus on the water as well. Be open to receive the healing and love it. And nurturing that you need. Like you're healing people just even by talking to me, right? Like we all heal each other, right? Yeah. And that's really beautiful. So I think that you should continue to keep doing that. I think that.

SPEAKER_03

Oh.

unknown

Oh. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Queen of Pentacles, upright. Beautiful, successful, nurturing, practical. You have this. You're beautiful. You know what you're doing. Okay. Your maternal instinct, you're wise, you're uh, you focus on your whole family success and abundance. I knew that the second you walked in here with your water. Beautiful. Beautiful. The world, you've completed a lot of cycles, you're accomplished, you're whole, you're attained. Three through three, trust your intuition, and you do. And you know what you're doing. Okay. Yeah. Grieve what's no longer meant for you, accept what's no longer meant for you and move forward because Queen of Pentacles in the world is at your hands, honey.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And I love that too. Grieving is I, when healing, you are allowed to grieve the person you lost of yourself. So don't ever think that going into healing is like, oh, I want to leave this person behind. No, there is that sadness that comes with she got me this far. I'm going to grieve her. Throw her a funeral. Do what you need to do, but grieve. I love that.

SPEAKER_02

I think that's why so many people with their divorce parties, like when they burn their dresses and stuff, like they really are grieving what they once thought was a thing. And say I got married really young at 18, brought up from a Mormon religion, you know, found out some stuff a little bit later. And I was like, yeah, I felt the same way. I just want to burn that to the ground. Like, no, ma'am. I don't want to bring that in to my new alignment, whatever. We have a fairy tale on our head. And that's okay if we have to stop to the motives and grieve.

SPEAKER_00

So tarot doesn't control our lives, it just reflects. And sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is finally see the pattern clearly enough to choose something different. Sure. So, Alex, thank you so much for being here and sharing your experience with me. Go ahead and tell our listeners what your handle is, where they can follow you. And I'm also gonna include it in the show notes.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, she's precious, number one. So you just make sure you follow her because she's amazing and such an amazing healer. She has a website. Please reach out to her. She does Riki healing, she does all sorts of things. Incredible energy. Please always reach out to Elena. Okay. But myself, I'm just a Madison 1992. I just I'm just on TikTok. That's it right now. I really just read on TikTok and I read live. And I don't know. I just want to know better, knew better. And she's so fun to watch. She's energy, spicy, and a little rude, I've been told, but that's fine. I like to be direct because I want you to grow, honestly. So people were really direct with me my whole entire life, and that's how I grew. So what we do? That is what we do.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So if you've been listening and something resonated with you, I invite you to sit with it, journal on it, pull a card. Let yourself be honest with what's coming up. Actually, we did. Oh, we did it more. Okay. So because I was pulling on you. What is the power card for everybody this equinox? There we go. Yeah, I like it. Let's do that. Yeah. Here is our power card.

SPEAKER_02

Listen, lack of direction, but you have unified love. You're beautiful, you're a partner, you're a mutual attraction. I love this. Your connection, your marriage. Open your heart and receive the love from others. Two to two. You're always in the right place at the right time. Don't you ever flip and forget it, okay? Page of Wands coming in reverse. There is a lack of direction, and that's okay. Some instability. You're gonna pass a test. You're going to face yourself and you're going to know better and you're going to do better.

SPEAKER_00

And I truly believe that about you. And that is great spring energy. Until next time, trust what's being shown to you. Honor what you're ready to release. Choose the path that feels like you and keep listening for the whispers.